You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
