I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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