I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
