'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
