I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I fill condoms, not promises.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
