Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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