3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Randomize
