i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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