that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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