do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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