Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think my tv is drunk
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
