Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
