im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
