i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
