I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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