Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
