i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
