I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
