I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize