i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
