You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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