He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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