A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
