We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize