your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
