lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
