he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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