I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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