but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
