Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
