i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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