Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize