remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
