the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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