Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
