we have pet lesbian snakes
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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