"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
