When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
