life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Drake has all the answers
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
