I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
