So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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