non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
