i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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