If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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