Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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