It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
