3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
