Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
