its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
