You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
