Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I had to cum in my sink.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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