i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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