How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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