Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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