I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
