Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize