and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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