Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
