It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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