Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
