I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
