How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
