This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
