I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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