..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
