I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
