chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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