Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize