A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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