Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
