i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
