I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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