I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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