i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
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